Anyone who has ever been addicted and then quit, only did it for themselves. Frequently you’ll hear someone say, I did it for my wife, or my mom, or my boyfriend. I think they’re being 100% honest when they say this, but unfortunately they are setting themselves up to fail.
It’s really critical for people to have some tipping point when they are able to recognize that they need to stop harming themselves and everyone else around them or they are going to wind up dead, in jail, or losing everything they care about. Too often it requires finding bottom; smacking their face into the floor and having some kind of awakening. It’s like slipping on black ice, getting the wind knocked out of you and taking that first sucking breath. As with all lightning quick falls, it’s a bit of an existential crisis. Before you even get up, you do a quick assessment, “Am I hurt?” “Am I in danger?” Then you get up and look around and say, “What just happened?” Often we explain things based on the most available information (Availability heuristic), gravitate to those things that are perceived as rare or fleeting (Scarcity), and seek the simplest solution (Occam’s razor).
That is why addicts will often label another as the reason for their turn around, their second chance, or whatever. But the problem with this type of reasoning is that it is an external cause, an anchor that they don’t control. It makes their sobriety, at least to me, way too fragile. Because if that person, the relationship, or any number of things goes sideways, it removes the reason for sobriety. It leaves them naked! There is no reason in that new world to stay sober.
Sometimes people trade up when their girlfriend dumps them, saying instead “I’m doing it for my family. They need me.” Which again, might be true, but here is my argument. If you never internalize your reasons for being clean and sober, you never have really committed, owned your problems, and determined above all else to improve your life. You’re not doing it for your kids; they will eventually move out. You’re not doing it for your mother; she was making it before you were born just fine and she would survive if you died. You have to be doing it for you because that is the person that you will wake up with for the rest of your life. You’re not going anywhere. So decide and own your choice.