One of the most difficult parts of depression is the way it prevents movement and growth. It’s as if you have been frozen with some freeze ray from Gru (Despicable Me 2 reference). Your mood rules all, and you cannot get yourself out. My wife feels like the most useless person on earth when this happens for me because she “can’t make me feel better.” Often, this is true. She is awesome! But there are times when others cannot help improve our mood. And for some people, depression is a mood that is crushing and long lasting. In these moments it is dramatically important to get help and get it consistently.

It’s like climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.

Located in Tanzania, it is 19,340 ft tall, and it takes 9 days to reach the summit! It’s not a technical climb. It’s a slog. Just about anybody can do it, even without legs, but it takes a long time. That’s depression recovery. It takes a long time to understand your “brand” of depression and then learn strategies to get and maintain positivity. So many of my clients have struggled with this part, because essentially negativity becomes your brain’s default. It’s like a pack of starving wolves chasing down a weak elk in the middle of winter. Each time you attempt to change negativity to positivity, or recognize a positive development in yourself, you invalidate those thoughts. They are torn down, tackled and eaten! And you do this. You perfectly negate your accomplishments and changes in mood, weight, relationship status, or business prowess. You say, “I don’t deserve it.” “I didn’t do anything special.” “There’s no way this will last.” It’s a habit that you have perfected and it takes a great deal of effort to change the way you think, feel and live.

Your depression is not you.

I once worked a long time with a woman who could clearly recognize her negative beliefs and negative self-talk. It was a major force in her life, because for every step she took forward, her depression slammed her back five. She could not imagine herself happy, loved, or even worthwhile. So we named her depression, making it a thing, something we could look at and talk about. For her this worked. She had to know that she was not her depression. She could be different and she could be happier.

So what can you do to turn this around?

• Be patient; know that it’s going to take some time. For most people it’s been a way of life for years, so you shouldn’t expect dramatic or fast change.
• Get help and get it consistently. Surround yourself with people who can support you and encourage you. You truly need to build a team around you. Therapy is a great piece of the puzzle, because it can support all of the other necessary pieces.
• Find inspiration. For me Ted Talks are great or a new hobby. It needs to be something that you can sustain over time. Remember this is going to be a life change that takes time. So find your “why.” What is out there that makes you want to get better? For some of my clients, it’s being a better parent, or partner.
• And Laugh! Period.